Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Friday, July 4, 2008
Not Sure
People always say that animals resemble their owners. Sometimes they even start to look like one another. This comes to mind every time Ebony (my cat) is neurotic and spazzy tearing around the house not caring of the consequences. Am I neurotic? Maybe. There are things I am and there are definitely things that I am not. I feel as if I have been living in denial to certain parts of my life for the past two years. Like I reached a point that I couldn't move past because that means that I would miss something and would have to admit all the wrong that I have done. I am stuck as an eighteen year old girl who is scorn by life. To bad I am now twenty and should have already forgiven the world, fate, god...myself. My cat is only a lover when she wants to be. She will not except being pet if she don't want it. To bad the reason why I got her was because I needed someone to snuggle with at night, and someone to take care of. For me, well...I need love all the time. I need attention, I need words, and mostly I need security. Last night as I cried the hardest I have cried in a while, and probably was the most upset that I have ever been with Adam. I was upset at him for being right. For telling me everything that I knew, and I was upset that he was sounding like everything was my fault. It most likely was my fault but I didn't want to hear that. Everyday when I am alone I need to fight to keep myself from crying. I miss her. I miss the other one too. I miss them all sometimes, but those two...I miss them the most. Growing up means that you get to look at yourself and go..."you're stupid...grow up!". I am not grown up. I may act professional and whatever people want but I do not, and most of the time will not grow up. I am stuck. I am held by my feeling to a time in the past that I know I should just let go of, but cannot. I am going to write a letter. This will be the end of part 1.
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